ARCHIVE:
03212011

From the Sheeplog Experts...

reindeer

Blitzen

TOPIC: "Are you Packing?"

Last week more than 20 police troops, fully armored and armed, were deployed at my local shopping mall. A department store employee had called 911 when a person was spotted in the store carrying what appeared to be a weapon. Several people reported they saw the suspect and were sure he was carrying an automatic rifle.

The police didn’t find anybody with an automatic rifle. No one was arrested. But the surveillance camera caught the suspect walking down a store aisle—with an umbrella.

Not surprising since it was pouring outside.

Wasn’t anybody thinking? The whole incident could’ve been avoided if store staff carried umbrellas.

If more people kept umbrellas on their private persons, umbrella suspects wouldn’t be so suspicious. I can assure you that if I’d been in the store that day, no one would have needed to fear for their safety, because I always carry an umbrella and I’m not afraid to use it. Not even inside where it’s bad luck.

But no. People panic because they don’t know what to do when confronted by an umbrella-weilding stranger. They call the police who come into the situation WITHOUT A SINGLE UMBRELLA. Oh yeah, that makes me feel secure. There’s a deluge outside and no cop wants to use his or her umbrella.

Believe me, our public venues would be so much safer if everyone carried an umbrella. I urge you to get one today and familiarize yourself with how to open and close it quickly. Know when to open or close it and what to do if it jams.

WARNING: Practice using it so you won’t find yourself in an emergency only to fall victim to the commonest umbrella hazard—pinching your thumb when you close it.

Back to MAIN PAGE