ARCHIVE:
02182011

From the Sheeplog Experts...

Pilgrim

Pilgrim

TOPIC: "Security"

Number of American civilians killed by terrorists last year: 8; number who died after being struck by lightning: 29.

Dear Senator: Homeland Security seems to be working well. But maybe you should slide some of its budget over to the National Weather Service. —Your friend, Pilgrim

Wait a minute. Maybe Homeland Security could use some of its funds to ward off lightning. I’m thinking extend the fence along our Mexican border to reach all the way around our nation’s perimeter with lightning rods every ten feet. Sure, it’ll be expensive but it could save lives—like 29 every year!

Hmmm. I have to admit I was skeptical about that border fence at first, but now I see Homeland Security might be onto something. It could build border fences around certain neighborhoods to keep AIDS from getting the rest of us; around every person who smokes, so their smoke can’t mix with our air; around the sun so nobody can look directly at it during an eclipse and get blinded!

They could put a border fence around textbook publishers to keep out their typos and factual errors, but also because they pose a serious threat with their scientific theories, unpleasant historical facts and questionable poetry.

There’s no end to the lives that can be saved and protected by a few well-placed, heavily fortified borders.

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