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From the Sheeplog Experts...

Pilgrim

Pilgrim

TOPIC: "Tips for Black Friday"

The local newspapers are full of tips on how to make the most of Black Friday—the biggest shopping day in the free world. Personally, I think it’s insane. But as a pilgrim, I believe I must make at least one foray into the madness.

So in this, my introductory blog, I’m offering my own tips and inviting you to come along and immerse yourself, with me, in the Tradition that is Black Friday.

  • Be a lemming. Glaze over and plunge into the fierce competition to purchase this year’s prized (few available) Must-Have Gift. You must have it because this item: 1— is pretty schlocky; 2—will be “so-yesterday” tomorrow; 3—will be overstocked at half today’s price in a month; 4—is something you don’t even want. This is not rational. That’s the beauty of being a lemming—no thinking required.
  • Win at shopping. Black Friday is a contest of desire and endurance. Harken to the clarion call urging you to be at the mall at least four hours before the doors open. Stake out your space in front of the store. Clamor for the oddball privilege of drawing a number for your place in line to buy their toy of the year. Camp out all night. Then in the morning, leave your cot, blankets and Coleman stove there on the sidewalk and join the stampede inside for the early-bird special on … whadda we have here? … camping supplies!
  • Hang on until noon. That’s when everybody else is dragging along in a fog of sleep deprivation, lugging bags of stuff and snarling at their children for wanting to stand in line to get their photo with Santa. Note with pleasure the poor fools who arrive late and have to deal with plenty of parking, no lines at the cashier and much less, picked-over merchandise—which they will claim is okay, since they really wouldn’t need any of the early-bird specials within an hour after Christmas dinner.
  • Give. As you leave the mall be sure to drop a couple of quarters into the bucket for the poor.

Go home tired and sated. Lay all your new stuff out on the bed and bask in your triumph. Take a nap and a vow – for your sanity – never, EVER, to consider what it all means.

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