ARCHIVE:
04062011

From the Sheeplog Experts...

Old Goat

Old Goat

TOPIC: "The Network"

If you don’t have a 4G phone or even a 3G, I’m here to offer you OG technology. That’s right, Old Goat technology.

It’s not as bad as you might think. Obviously I blog on the web so I’m not a total tech geezer. But all the 2, 3 and 4 G networks have been upgraded at a pace that’s way too fast for us OG-types to keep up. We’re going as quickly as possible. However, we know our place, and it’s on the OG network.

The OG network begins with face-to-face conversation. Here’s how it works. You stand or sit next to another living, breathing individual. You often look at them as you begin talking. Try to think of something interesting to say. If you speak with poignancy or profundity you know you’re on the right network. Don’t even try it on 3G or 4G. It won’t fit. (Also, if you can spell poignancy without looking it up, you get free OG access.)

The OG network takes its time and sometimes thinks between words. After your conversation starter, you wait for the other person to respond. Hopefully, he or she will answer in the same poignant or profound way. Sometimes, however, the respondent will say, "Man, that is soooo profound." That’s your cue to move on.

The written word is also a fundamental aspect of the OG network, but no abbreviations allowed except for proper names and acronyms. OMG is pronounced "omg" and means just that. See? We are advancing.

Also, a popular new phrase on OG is, "You’re my bff." On 3 and 4G, you may know, bff stands for “best friend forever,” but on OG it’s like a relationship that you can’t explain in words so you make one up. So on OG you’ll also see comments like, "You’re my favorite glhgh," or "My boss is the tsslty ever!" Do be careful, though. You might inadvertently say something you don’t mean.

Whenever OGs do use wireless devices they usually yell into them because for some reason they think if there is no cord involved their voices have to pass through actual air that surely will muffle the sound. They know you can hear them halfway across the country, but they feel like their voice has to travel out of the house on its own. I’m talking about wireless phones, although there are a few OGs that yell into their routers. Those poor souls are absolute clmds.

Anyway, welcome to the OG Network.

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