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052013

Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

May 2013

It’s the merry month of May, so I’m pretty excited about looking into all the joyfulness the stars have in store for us.

Once again, it’s all good for Leo—my sign, as you know. So we’ll start with Leo and work down from there to the depths of despair. Just kidding. I see no sign of despair this month. In fact, you can rest assured you will never find an iota of despair in my forecasts. After all, they come from the sky. We’re all about looking up! So let’s begin the May merriment:

LEO—Wow. Wow. Wow. The May sky says expect to meet the love of your life!…“in a garden?” Wait, I’m double checking the stars—nope, it’s, uh, “in a marsh.” What, is (s)he a frog?? (Okay, the star sign for garden and marsh are hard to distinguish.) No matter, it’s the love of your life. So, whoever you meet in the marsh, don’t hesitate kiss this person. Especially if (s)he is a frog. The celestial alignment is trending toward your living happily ever after, but check the June horoscope just in case. June is, like, frog month.

LIBRA & SCORPIO—I know it’s tough to come after the most favored Leo sign, but: You have much to look forward to, particularly regarding travel. It could be very fun. Don’t leave home without a bungee cord. Investment moves can play to your advantage. Again, don’t leave home without a bungee cord.

SAGITTARIUS, CAPRICORN & AQUARIUS—A new opportunity could bring stability to your situation. I hate when the stars don’t explain this stuff better—I mean, what situation can everybody under three different signs possibly have?! I guess if it applies to you, you know who you are. Otherwise: Stability is likely to be risky under the circumstances. Gosh.

PISCES—You’ll discover your greatest satisfaction this month while fishing. You’d think this was a Pisces certainty, but it’s the first time I’ve seen the stars come out and say it. Mental and emotional preparation will enhance your experience. Don’t be put off by bait—it always looks like that.

BIG DIPPER—You will encounter a surprising adventure. Plunge into it; drink deeply. Moisture could be involved but don’t let it scare you. Discussions with Pisces are helpful. Snorkling enters the picture at the end of the month.

ARIES & TAURUS —Feel your inner energy yearning to burst forth. Let it. Now is the time for you to energize everyone and everything around you. You are electric. You are wired. Wear tights wherever you go (yes, guys, too) because that’s what wired electric people wear and you will most certainly be called upon to lead some kind of charge. Fame will follow. I hope it’s the good kind.

GEMINI—Guess what. Your astrological profile this month is exactly the same as Pisces, but I wanted to tell you separately so you don’t have some kind of identity crisis. Believe me, you are unique, but the fact is, fishing usually has a ripple effect.

CANCER—Don’t worry, nothing to despair even at the bottom of the list. I was saving the second-best for last: Let go of old habits. Don’t let any grass grow under your feet. Think fast and move fast. Snap decisions are absolutely okay. You can clean up later.

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