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052014

Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

May 2014

TAURUS — Take control of your finances. Make a budget and stick to it. No frivolous spending in May. If you feel you must invest, choose safe stuff. Bathroom tissue is good. Don’t buy lottery tickets. Yes, the stars know that the more you buy, the better your chances are—so it’s safer to purchase 25 scratch-off tickets than only one because by spending $250 you are way more likely to win $100 than if you just spend $1. Don’t go for that kind of safety even though the lottery supports education. Like your lottery ticket probably supports a half a pencil. FYI, students are particularly uninspired by half pencils. Also note that lottery-supported education apparently has taught people how to successfully earn $100 with just a $250 investment.

GEMINI & CANCER— This month is your time for romance. Prepare yourself—examine your scents, for instance. That doesn’t mean to check your supply of perfume or cologne, but take a big, huge sniff and determine "what do I smell like?" If it’s lilacs, you’re good to go. If it’s Munster cheese, yikes. But own it. For some people (most often Germans) the scent of cheese is a powerful aphrodisiac especially in the presence of red wine and crackers. If you aren’t that big on Germans, then maybe do the perfume. But carry crackers at all times. (You know, that’s good advice for everyone.)

LEO (my sign) — No worries. As usual, everything you touch will be golden. You can invest in newspapers, dial-up internet service providers, asbestos insulation and still come out ahead. Well, maybe not ahead. But who cares? We’re Leo’s. Believe in the magic and don’t think. Buy 25 lottery tickets.

VIRGO & LIBRA — Strive for balance in your life. Like don’t go on a crash diet and train for a triathlon at the same time. No. Stay on an even keel. If you’re going to read "War and Peace," plan to read "The Cat in the Hat" immediately afterward. If you dance the Flamenco, make sure you also feed the dog. If you dedicate an afternoon of noisy, wild abandon to painting a bold mural on the side of your house, also arrange to spend time in quiet conversation with your neighbor’s real estate agent.

THE BIG DIPPER — This month the stars say you should delve into the artichoke-spinach bowl. I’m amazed this hasn’t come up before.

SCORPIO — Don’t get caught by regret. Someone will need you in the coming days. Be alert and be generous.

SAGITTARIUS, CAPRICORN & AQUARIUS — Hey! It’s here—this IS the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius, A-Quar-I- UUUS, A-QUAR. I. US! Harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abound…wow, everybody sing. But, notice, Aquarians, that just as your Age is finally dawning you have to share it with Sagittarians and Capricorns. Beware: If you get selfish about it, it will just disappear. Poof. That’s the Age of Aquarius—it goes away when greed or selfishness try to capture it. Okay, so if you thought it was going to be wealth and fame, get another sign. Sagittarians and Capricorns may get wealth and fame from time to time, but Aquarians, for you it’s gonna be harmony, understanding, sympathy and trust 24-7. Try it, though, I think you’ll like it.

PISCES & ARIES — Calm your nerves. It’s understandable that you might be jumpy especially being so close on the star calendar to those crazy Aquarians singing about their age. Look for ways to chill out but avoid sleep aids, especially eye masks. People in eye masks might as well be wearing a large placard that says, “throw peanuts at me,” or “squirt me with water.” Not helpful, really. Just relax. Actually, a good way to relax is to squirt other people with water. Better yet, with white wine! So calming.

May is great.

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