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05022011

From the Sheeplog Experts...

Mavis

Mavis

TOPIC: "Trumped Up Polling"

Okay, everybody, relax. Don’t worry about Donald Trump running for president. It’s not like somebody nominated him. He’s the only one who thinks he should be president. But he’s just a big celebrity blowing his own horn.

Sure, he got some numbers in the polls, but as a cow, I can explain about being polled. Do you know what polled cattle are? The ones with their horns removed.

Be assured that anybody who blew their horns for Donald Trump last week won’t be tooting a year from now when the primaries actually roll around. As DT blusters, they’ll be so embarrassed they’ll probably remove their own horns.

If anybody asks, they’ll say they were just joking. In fact, they probably were. Pollsters fill in boxes. There’s no room to record the actual conversation, but I imagine something like this is what happened:

POLLSTER: If the Republican presidential primary were held today which candidate would you be most likely to vote for?
CITIZEN: Who’s running?

POLLSTER: Tim Pawlenty, Mitt Romney, and Donald Trump.
CITIZEN: (Uproarious laughter) Donald Trump??!! Who is this really?

POLLSTER: We are a respected national polling organization.
CITIZEN: Jerry Bob! Where’ve you been, man? This is hilarious, you don’t even know what a Republican looks like!

POLLSTER: Yes, I do—wait! I’m NOT Jerry Bob. I’m a paid solicitor…
CITIZEN: You dawg, Jerry Bob! You know I even have a "no soliciting" sign on my back door! I knew it was you.

POLLSTER: I’m not Jerry Bob.
CITIZEN: Okay, okay, Jerry Bob. I’ll take Donald Trump. Because Mitt Romney already ran, you idiot, and he did terrible. And there’s no such person as Tom Pawnee—what’s that like an Indian guide?

CITIZEN: Donald Trump! Yeah, please, please, please, I want Donald Trump to be my president. Can’t you see him working with Congress? Or getting along with the press? Or anybody? Wait ‘till he finds out about checks and balances.

CITIZEN: You know what, Jerry Bob? Put me down for 3 votes for Donald Trump, make nine more calls and finish up your poll. He’ll have 30 percent and you can have a beer!

POLLSTER: Good idea.
CITIZEN: Hahahahahhh! That’s just like you, Jerry Bob. Great to hear from you.

POLLSTER: Do you think you’ll vote in 2012?
CITIZEN: Nah! You just blew my mind with the Donald Trump idea. I’ve been polled enough. I got no horns left.

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