From the Sheeplog Experts...



TOPIC: "Lemmings on Tax Day"

Income Tax Day being on the 18th this year is just too weird.

I can tell you the lemming filers will be long gone by then. They are so programmed to put their taxes in the mail on the 15th, I’m not sure they can stop themselves. Inertia is such a powerful force with lemmings that they get in line at the post office on the 15th even if they didn’t have any income.

Last April 15, I found myself (really, I have no idea how I got there) in a mass of bodies surging inexorably toward a single mail drop box. Amid the push and shove came a voice, "Help! I’m mindlessly driven to pay taxes!" And another: "Stop me, I’m going in without a W-2!"

Next thing I knew, we were all climbing up the box and falling through the slot. More and more lemmings came plunging into the mailbox. When the postal clerk opened it we all ran headlong into the mailbags, carrying our 1040s and screaming for our April 15 postmark. Every living sinew of our beings was burning to get our money into IRS hands on The Day.

At the IRS loading dock, we sprang out of our mailbags and joined an ever-growing swarm of lemmings from far and wide all pressing through the doors and running up and down the halls of the building, madly waving our envelopes until the stroke of midnight. A clerk put up his hand and announced, "Okay, it’s April 16."

We all dropped our returns where we stood and, giving over to our primal urges, ran outside and jumped en masse off the dock.

You can file on the 18th if you want, but the lemmings already will be unpiling themselves, catching their collective breath and trudging home, their little brains glazed over for another year of record keeping.