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062014

Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

June 2014

GEMINI — The stars have a laundry list of things for you to do this month. Oh, wait—sorry, they just have laundry for you to do this month. Look forward to fun with sock sorters. Condo and apartment dwellers, don’t try to be environmentally conscientious by using a clothesline. I know it’s trendishly retro but your next-door neighbors don’t want to be disturbed by undergarments flapping in the breeze on your balcony while they’re entertaining dinner guests on theirs. For one thing, who can compete with flapping undergarments?

CANCER, VIRGO & LIBRA — Procrastination is a terrible habit. It’s time to stop it. But it might be better to wait until July.

LEO (my sign) — No matter where you go, you make people laugh. Enjoy the fact that you are greatly loved—or that you forgot to zip your fly.

SCORPIO, SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN — Be generous with your time and talents. Specifically, the stars are looking for someone who can give two or three days to re-grouting my friend Esther’s bathroom. That may not seem like much to you, but it could save a whole extended family from the threat of Legionnaires disease. And don’t say grouting isn’t a talent. Poorly grouted tiles are the number one cause of lackluster bathing experiences—and lackluster bathing experiences are the number one cause of Esther’s recent dyspepsia and Esther’s dyspepsia is the number one…okay, you get the picture…

AQUARIUS & PISCES — Aquarians, you’ve had a month and a half of the dawning of your age but you can stop singing about it now. Get on with the business of figuring out what it means for your age to dawn. Pisces people will help you. Yep, Pisces, that’s your June forecast—but I promise every sign of the zodiac will kiss your feet when the Aquarians finally get a grip.

THE BIG DIPPER — Out with the old and in with the new—it’s time to get rid of clutter. Here are some things you are likely to find around the house that you don’t need to keep: Ballpoint pens that dried up three years ago; CDs of obscure, very bad music; orange, gold and avocado clothing; cords to unknown electronic devices; no-longer-functioning plastic objects that you kept because you don’t just throw away plastic stuff; shoeboxes containing grass and pebbles that obviously were once home to pet lizards.

ARIES & TAURUS — Pay attention to friends. They are your most important possession—although you shouldn’t really take ownership of your friends. Allow them to be free to pursue their own happiness unless that includes hanging their undergarments on the balcony to dry. Still, remember your friends’ happiness is more important than your own, and you’ll learn that taking care of their happiness will give you a lot of the same.

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