From the Sheeplog Experts...



TOPIC: "The Fanny Pack Problem"

I promised to discuss this week the greatest fashion design challenge in the history of civilization: The Fanny Pack.

To those designers who insist on beating their heads against this challenge, I’d like to say give up! It is impossible to create an attractive fanny pack.

Listen, the fanny pack, whether worn above the fanny as per original design, or slid around to the front (a truly catastrophic adaptation) for the sake of easy accessibility, will never EVER look attractive.

The fanny pack, by its nature, adds ROUNDNESS. Can you think of a single instance—even half an instance—in which roundness is anything but anathema to fashion? No, you can’t. Fashion and roundness are mutually exclusive.

Yet the fanny pack goes around a person’s middle and increases bulk. It adds roundness front or back, but wearing it on the front is a particularly egregious breach of line and form.

All designers can do to minimize the horrific effects of the fanny pack is create a fanny pack extension (above the pack, please, for the love of all that is decent) on which can be stitched in thread of a contrasting color, "Forgive me. I had to wear a fanny pack today. Do not approach. My fanny pack is equipped with a motion sensor and siren and I’m not afraid to activate it."