ARCHIVE:
03022011

From the Sheeplog Experts...

reindeer

Blitzen

TOPIC: "Haute Couture at the Oscars"

I planned to be horrified and amazed by the haute couture of Oscar night, but everyone I saw was elegant and tasteful. Admittedly, I wasn’t on the scene. I requested press credentials and was told there was no place for my genius at such an event. When I received a formal rejection in writing, alas, I saw they’d actually said there was no place for my genus at such an event.

The film industry has a bias against all Rangifer. Probably I was the only Rangifer who asked for credentials and the producers were afraid of what might happen if other members of the media heard the lone Rangifer was in their midst…That’s fine. It was the screen stars’ night, so I contented myself to watch on TV.

From where I stood, though, the stars weren’t the only ones who dressed for the occasion.

Personally, I chose a floor-length, Carolina blue terry cloth bathrobe with a sequined tangerine ascot and matching fuzzy slippers. I topped the ensemble with a zircon-studded tiara. Even though I am a male of my genus, that was permitted by a little-known (because I made it up) Oscar rule that anyone wearing fuzzy slippers gets to wear a tiara.

I saw, by my reflection in the TV, that I looked quite regal and suddenly felt compelled to thank my colleagues, mentors and family—even though only the latter were present and suggesting loudly that I made a better door than a window.

It made me wish, that for just one night, one magic night, I was the lone Rangifer.

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