From the Sheeplog Experts...

Old Goat

Old Goat

TOPIC: "Digestive Aid"

Let me clear up a misconception about ruminants. We don’t have four stomachs. We have one stomach with four compartments.

Still, with all those compartments to manage, you can understand why we are experts in the field of digestion. In fact, we always digest in the field. So when you see a ruminant don’t make the mistake of thinking we are JUST STANDING THERE. We are digesting. Pretty much all the time.

As an expert I offer here the key to a satisfying digestive experience: Settle the psyche and avoid mental stress. That’s easy for goats, you say, because what do they have to be stressed about? What to wear? Changing the oil every 5,000 miles? Finding the remote? No. We can flatline mental stress.

BUTT (and there’s always a "butt" among goats), we put incredible physical stress on our stomachs with our diet of "any plant or inanimate object that crosses our path." You can imagine the interplay of a coffee can, two bottle caps and the yellow pages going through four stomach compartments. How do we deal with it?

Ode to a Grecian Urn.

Yeah, you’ve probably passed by plenty of goats and had no idea they were spiritually locked into Keats. But it’s the only way.

How does this help the single-stomached who has never foraged beyond the local Foodway? For you, digestive distress happens by way of the French fry or stuffed jalapeno. One such ingestion followed by a frantic dash to a sales meeting could do you in—butt for a soothing recitation as, "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter…" Oh, yeah.

Gotta go—I just came across a styrofoam plate and downed it.

…"therefore, ye soft pipes, play on…"