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12082014

Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

I heard that a bunch of brains got stolen from a lab. I want to leave my body to science, but I don’t want it to have my brain. I’d rather leave my brain with my family. Is this okay?
—Making Plans

Dear Making—
Yes, it’s okay. I’m sure your relatives will be very pleased. Apparently, all those stolen brains were sold as conversation pieces. Seems to be a fad, so to keep your brain with a descendant would be very thoughtful of you…uh…it.

Consider arranging for it to be preserved in a decorative jar with a colorful formaldehyde. Azure blue would be nice. Something suitable for the mantle. If you are concerned that your descendants might fight over your brain just state in your will that you want your brain to be present during probate.

People are usually on their best behavior when a brain is present and visible. They won’t take the chance that it might recognize their voices.

Make the preparations necessary to assure that your brain won’t spend the hereafter in the living room of strangers. Look at it this way: Think before you die so you won’t have to afterward.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.

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