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11102014

Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

My body’s been wracked by a mysterious allergy. The doc explained what’s happening and it would be quite fascinating if it weren’t driving me crazy. Basically, he said, rogue cells from the disease-fighting wing of my immune system are at war with the allergen-fighting wing, which doesn’t know how to defend itself except to release more and more histamine. I’m not sure I believe this. Can you help? I can’t decide whether to take the medicine the doc prescribed or not.
—Bothered Body

Dear Bothered—
Personally, I’ve never been fortunate enough to have an immune system, but I know it’s supposed to "ward off" stuff. I think that should include rogue cells, which I’m glad you asked about because it gives me a chance to note that they have been considered like the scourge of the earth—except for when they turn out to be a cure for cancer or something.

To your question, I don’t believe medicine is the way to go in fighting against them.

I’m thinking drones.

For one thing, there’s very little risk involved and you can wipe out a bunch of rogue cells with a single drone strike.

Just try not to take out any of the ones that might turn out to cure cancer.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.

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