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08042014

Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

I’m preparing for job interviews. I heard that one of the things employers often ask of prospects is for three adjectives that accurately describe yourself. This is fraught with danger. I don’t want to sound boring or weak, but I don’t want to sound arrogant either. The words I’ve come up with are crackerjack, impact and compassion. Do you think these choices will make me look conceited?
—Hopeful

Dear Hopeful—
Not conceited—but maybe a bit light on academics.

While the words you chose would suggest a wonderful employee, they are, alas, NOUNS.

The descriptive word thing that interviewers use is probably just a ploy to see if you know what an adjective is, so those choices of yours would be the death knell of your application.

Instead, I suggest you think of this segment of your interview as being not about personality but about vocabulary, which is a good thing for anyone who casually says "fraught." In fact, try to throw "fraught" into the interview. I mean, it’s an adjective. For your other adjectives try to think outside the box. I recommend these three:

SOLID, BRONZED and INTACT.

Those were the ones that got me my patio statue job (my employers were only mildly disappointed(as was I) when they found out I was mistaken about being bronzed—I truly thought so when I saw my reflection in the patio door).

Anyway, it was a great job until my head fell off and then none of those words described me any longer—but FRAUGHT sure did.

Good luck, and may your descriptions all be adjectives.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.

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