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Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

I’m trying to decide whether to be a devotee of Heidegger or Heidi Klum. They’re quite a bit alike, aren’t they? Which do you suggest I follow?
—Philosoph

Dear Philosoph—
Other than being from Germany, Heidegger and Heidi Klum aren’t much alike, but they are very close together in the alphabetical all-time celebrity listings.

Also they share a connection with existentialism: Heidegger was one of the early existentialists, while Heidi Klum actually exists (Heidegger, alas, no longer does—except in the all-time celebrity listings).

So I can see where this might be a difficult decision.

It all comes down to how YOU exist. Are you drawn to tweeds, reading Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and always thinking amazingly about being?

Or would you rather dress in Victoria Secret, read Vogue and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and think about always being amazing?

Need I point out: Your choice will be enormously critical to your existence.

One suggestion: Don’t cop out with a wimpy idea of wearing tweed and always being amazed while reading the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Way too common—and boring.

Nevertheless, if you want to get a life, either existing or existentialism would work.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.

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