Blitzen's Commentary

Reindeer have long been known for their keen fashion sense. Blitzen will keep you in the know—and occasionally will share a few tips that are way out of the know—and invites comments.

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Breaking a (dreadful) Uniform Code

For the umpteenth season, women basketball players are being held hostage in enormous bag-like uniforms. (I’d say baggy, but that would imply some actual style, of which there is none in this arena.) I can stay quiet about this no longer!

While tennis players ply their trade in runway-worthy togs, and volleyball and track stars celebrate with spandex some of the best in female physiognomy, the women of basketball are made to appear as though they don’t have bodies at all. Only giant clothes.

Benighted basketball fashion cravens take note: Omar the Tentmaker is not on the designer A-list. Year after boring year, you’ve succeeded in giving us the worst uniforms in the history of the world—that includes barbershop quartets, Walmart cashiers and nuclear lab technicians.

In fact, women hoopsters would probably LOVE to hit the court in some lab-tech shower caps and disposable shoe covers just to distract fans from their black socks and mid-calf fat-man shorts.

Continuing this style debacle is not fair to either the athletes or the spectators, not to mention the photographers—Really? Do you ever see beauty-in-motion ads for cars or yogurt featuring basketball’s finest female forms gliding through the air? No, because they are wearing a house!

Get some glamour on the floor.